My Son Is Not a Princess

For the longest time, Brodie (my three-year-old son) would get confused on gender pronouns. He would refer to females as "him" or "he" and sometimes referred to himself as a "princess" after seeing a Mickey Mouse episode featuring the theme. When our daughter, Emily, was born, he sometimes got confused about why Emily wore dresses or little outfits in softer colors while he wore t-shirts and shorts in bold reds and blues. He was especially confused about why he was "handsome" rather than "pretty".

Lately I've been noticing an uptick on the internet and in digital print about "gender nonconformity" and other forms of gender identity issues. Around election season it is no surprise to see either side ratchet up their marriage definition arguments (marriage equality or the destruction of traditional family values according to your political persuasion). For years we've been hearing the extremes on both sides, shouting each other down with matching vitriol. As an aside, it has always been amusing for me to see liberals condemn hatred and promote understanding while spewing hatred and blanketing Christians with the label "bigot"; it has been equally amusing to see some traditional Christians spew hatred toward gay-rights advocates while eschewing soundbites like "Hate the sin, love the sinner". These are expected debates in today's cultural climate; adults must make their own decisions and build the lives they want to live.

In the Netherlands (and the U.S., too) children as young as 5 are
undergoing gender reassignment procedures.

But children are not yet able to make those decisions. Parents of children who insist as toddlers they they are of the opposite gender are allowing them to take medications to put off puberty and even, as young as 5 years of age, to have gender reassignment surgery (that's a SEX CHANGE, for those of you who don't speak the great language of political correctness). I'm sorry if it's offensive, but a 2-year-old has no idea what gender means-- he or she will rely on YOU, the parents, to teach him or her that he or she is a HE or a SHE. My son relies on me to encourage him to play rough and develop mannerisms; he relies on me to toss a ball with him now and then and he relies on me (and the other male influences in his life) to teach him what it is to be a little boy. He relies on us to take him to monster truck rallies and other ridiculous events. He even relies on us to buy his clothing and dress him in cute little-boy outfits. Even if Brodie insists that he is a girl or a princess, I remind him of his gender and move on; I don't make it a habit to have deep, searching conversations with my toddler about the meaning of male and female or the ability of individuals to identify in whatever way they choose.

Even as our children mature physically, they are not yet ready to make major life decisions. They're not even old enough to make responsible sexual decisions! Want to argue? Flip through the channels and land on MTV. Walk through your local high school and listen for the conversation in the hallways. They may be physically mature enough to engage in sexual activity, but they are not emotionally or mentally mature enough to consider sexual relationships' lifelong effect or consequences. Children who are forced to make these decisions by parents who allow or encourage them to are often scarred, jaded, or otherwise effected by the experience. They buy in more easily to the image of "tweens" and "teens" that commercial culture has developed for them.

As our culture moves more and more in one direction (cultural acceptance/an open and free society or moral degradation and cultural destruction according, again, to your socio-political persuasion), I'm afraid that more and more parents will begin or continue to encourage their children to "explore" gender-variance. As for me and my house, we will keep Brodie's and Emily's lifelong well-being and happiness secure by refusing to compromise our values and the gender and identity to which they were born for some short-term happiness provided by a little boy frolicking in a dress or playing house with some dolls. When they experience puberty and begin to understand and experience their bodies differently, we will teach them the appropriate times and circumstances to act on the urges and emotions that come with sexual maturation. As they become young adults, we will rely on our investment in our children to inform them as to their self-worth and identity and hope that they develop in spite of the cultural siren call.

Have an opinion or concern about what you see for our children's future? Leave it in the comments.

Relaunch

After over a year out of commission, I've decided to relaunch the blog.

Allow me to wax ridiculously dramatic with a pointless phoenix metaphor.

You didn't miss much, really. Emily just turned a year old, Brodie is three years old now, Kimberly and I are working together at Caruth-Hale Funeral Home, and I'm working towards my Funeral Director's License. We've got a little monstrous Jack Russel terrier, too (his name is Marvin).

It was really difficult for me to decide against attending law school. After all, it had been my lifelong dream to be an attorney, advocating for justice and helping to improve government here and around the world. After I graduated from Henderson with a Political Science degree, my father-in-law offered me the opportunity to join the family's funeral firm full-time. Since I had been helping out part-time, I had an idea what this would involve.

I had no idea, however, that I would fall in love with the ministry that can happen in a funeral operation. I know it isn't like this everywhere; some funeral "professionals" give society ample justification to find fault with the industry. But I can honestly say (without a bribe) that my colleagues are genuinely dedicated to doing all that they can do to bring honor and healing to hurting families and to give all the glory to God.

At the end of this week, I'm headed to West Africa to realize a dream of mine-- to use the French skills I've built in school to make a difference on that continent. But what I have come to realize is that I don't have to be building governments in the Third World or see my name in lights or on buildings; I make a difference every day. Through my work as a Funeral Director. Through my efforts with the Hugh O'Brian Youth Leadership Foundation. And, most importantly, through the level of dedication I give to my family.

Hopefully, you'll all be willing to check back once in a while to share with me the thrill present in success and the lessons learned from defeat.