Speaking of Value: Watch Your Language!

Of all the places I've worked, the most (and best) service training came from the restaurant industry. Proper presentation is the key to great wine sales. Customer courtesy often excuses other shortcomings. While several factors affect guest interactions, the most important is what "language" you speak.

Maybe you prefer a laid-back waiter or waitress with inconspicuous tip-boosting personal details at the ready ("Oh, I have six kids about your son's age! Aren't they adorable?"). While there's nothing wrong with forming great hman connections, I have found that the vast majority of patrons preferred a server who was polished and ready, always on top of the details of their dining experience. Nothing conveyed these qualities to my guests better than paying attention to the words and phrases I used.

Chic-fil-A calls it service language; they made the phrase "It's my pleasure" famous (and synonymous) with great, friendly service. Even though I haven't worked for Chic-fil-A in years, the way they speak and the philosophy behind their service influences my interactions every day.

Elsewhere, the practice is called value language. It's likely that your business invests loads of money into training, development, and marketing to infuse its products or services with value. But how much time is spent perfecting the way your product or service is presented?

Value language:

• Considers the Customer/Guest/Client's Needs

In your business, do your clients need peace of mind, reassurance, information, or all of the above? Knowing what to say and when to say it means knowing your client's needs. Turn a purchasing decision into an experience with deeper meaning by uncovering (and meeting) unspoken needs.

• Builds Value in Your Brand

Sometimes, the best way to talk about your competitors is not at all. People who seem eager to trash-talk the competition are often viewed as being unaware of or unable to communicate the value of their own services. Put yourself above the competition by establishing your brand's leadership in the industry-- without slinging mud.

• Listens and Adapts

Scripts are for on-hold recordings. Value language listens for opportunities to build the value of your brand while giving clear answers to a client's questions or concerns. While it is great to craft phrases that express value, these cannot be perceived as rigid scripts devoid of meaning.

• Speaks to the Experience

Rather than speaking only to a product or service, be thorough in your description of an experience that will resonate. This is applicable whether you are offering a funeral service ("We offer personalized service options that help families celebrate the life of a loved one and heal through healthy grieving.") or a living room set ("Our furniture experts can help you select just the right piece to bring your family and friends together in a beautiful, comfortable space.")

• Delivers a Promise

All the value language in the world can't make up for a promise undelivered. Invest in training yourself and your staff to produce experiences that resonate. Make sure you all own your expertise and are prepared to deliver on the promises of your value language.

Value language is crucial to establishing your brand's expertise and presenting a professional team best suited to meet the needs of your constituency. The right words and phrases at the right time communicate volumes about your team's care for its customers, guests, and clients.

In the comments: Have you heard some great service or value language? Ever feel like it's canned or disingenuous? How can we walk the line for our clients?

Resolutions 2013

I don't think I've ever kept a New Year's Resolution. I've made plenty of them in the past, but the follow-through and follow-up has been much less than successful.

This year, my resolutions are all the same, right in line with some of the most popular American New Year's resolutions. I think these two things will lend themselves to other goals by developing me physically, mentally, and spiritually. Here they are:

1. Lose Weight/Get Fit: Recently, I was inspired to lose weight when the scale read 247.5 lbs. Shortly thereafter: 252.5 lbs! According to my wife, it's the heaviest I've ever been. According to all of my pants, it's also the largest.
2. Improve My Blog: Over the past few months, I've been reading excellent blogs (see: Michael Hyatt, Jeff Goins). They've inspired me to refine my message, do more to reach an existing audience, and commit to consistency.

These are goals I've set before. This time, I'm going to use three 'C's to ensure their success:

• Conviction: I know I need to change my habits. Extra weight has a major effect on self-esteem, not to mention its detriment to health. As important as it is to acknowledge that you must change, it is more important to know that you can. This time, I believe both.
• Commitment: I've resolved to see them through. After I decided to lose weight, I gained five pounds! I can't say I was surprised; I hadn't changed my diet or exercise habits. To make a change, we must commit to its success and identify what is holding us back.
• Community: My wife is committed to helping me improve my diet. She is supportive of my efforts to form a good exercise regimen. Now I just need all of YOU to hold my feet to the fire for consistent, quality blogging. Being convicted and making a commitment don't mean much unless someone will hold you to it.

Abstract resolutions like "improve my health" and "be a better writer" limit us. For more effective resolutions, we should set actionable goals that can be measured both by ourselves and our accountability network. These goals are commitments; they are promises you have made to yourself and your supporters. For example (and for my own benefit), here are my actionable goals for the two resolutions I've made:

1. I will weigh 210 lbs by October 2, 2013. This will require me to lose almost five pounds each month.
2. I will be more intentional about my food consumption and calorie intake.
3. I will write at least one new blog post each week.
4. I will tap social channels to increase my blog's exposure.

As the year moves along, these resolutions will remain the same. Goals, though, should evolve and adapt to the new realities we create for ourselves. As you make your own resolutions, try to put actionable goals to each one; if an idea is too abstract, it is never a challenge. Resolve to create major change in your life.

Share your thoughts in the comments: As I move forward with blogging, which blogging platform should I use? Have you ever made a resolution knowing you wouldn't keep it? Any advice for those setting resolutions?

On Cookies (And Expectations, Too)

Of course I would be writing on cookies. Judging by my midsection, you could say I'm somewhat attached. But cookies are more than just delectable diet-devastators. In the hospitality industry, cookies are often props; they say "Welcome!" and "Make yourself comfortable." They invite guests to indulge and relax. If they are freshly baked, their aroma pleasantly reminds guests of Grandma's kitchen. It's hard to be unhappy when cookie-scent is wafting through the air.

Not too long ago, my wife and I were visiting Northwest Arkansas. We had heard great things about the Doubletree brand, and friends had told us about the greeting they received at the front desk: a freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie. Sure enough, all over the Doubletree website, this greeting is hailed as part of the company's culture of caring for its guests. Exhausted from the long drive but re-invigorated by the prospect of the evening's adventures, we hurriedly settled our things into the hotel room. It was great! The suite was spacious and beautiful, smelled clean and fresh, and (my usual complaint) the temperature was cool and relaxing. As we were settling in, I read all the little cards in the room; the company had done a great job branding and reinforcing its culture through the in-room literature. But a picture of a piled-high plate of cookies reminded me we had not been offered one when we checked in. The cookie at check-in was not a major draw for us. But our expectation had been set, and the items in our room only reminded us that the hotel staff had missed a detail.

In our Funeral Home, we bake fresh cookies for each Visitation. When guests arrive, the Funeral Home is filled with the sweet aroma, and we let our families know that freshly-baked cookies await them in the family lounge. This gesture tells the family "I didn't  set out a few dozen from a bulk box; I anticipated your arrival and baked these cookies especially for you and your guests." Among other things, the care expressed through this small gesture has helped build the community's expectation of excellence from our staff. Really, everyone has expectations set on them: customers expect service from businesses (good or bad), individuals expect certain characteristics in friends, etc. The three keys to exceeding these expectations are:

1. Communicating Your Culture
• Whether you are an individual or a business, you have a culture. Clearly articulating who you are lets others know what to expect from you. Often, people think that it's easier to exceed expectations when there are no expectations. I've got news for you: from the time someone hears your name, sees your face, or walks into your business, they've got expectations. If you're not setting expectations, they're being set for you.
2. Dedication to Details
• Details, details, details! From spell-checking correspondence and advertising to ensuring that your appearance is inviting, details will help you win or lose. If you miss a detail, you can be sure someone will notice: your client, your friend/coworker, or your boss. Sometimes this means keeping checklists or setting up reminders on your electronic devices. Do it!
3. Executing Excellence
• If you're always setting high expectations, the challenge is not to meet them; you must exceed expectations. This sounds dangerous: how can you keep exceeding expectations if the "bar" is set higher and higher every day? Businesses and individuals must be constantly developing themselves and improving on what they have learned. Change for the sake of change is not progress; be sure that you are executing excellence and improving the delivery of your products or services with each interaction.

Our stay with the Doubletree in Bentonville was excellent. But often people don't hear about the room temperature, the comfortable beds, and the excellent suites. They hear a goofy story about a missing cookie.

When is the last time you had a poor service experience? Has there been a time when a company's service was great but one of their promises was unfulfilled? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

A Nerd's Lament

I won't reprise the common theme that "nerd" is the new "cool". In fact, in classic mid-'90's kid-sitcom form, a lot of nerds have turned their newfound fame into real jerkitude (see: Zuck and company, start-up chic). A lot of nerds are making a lot of money; more of them are creating viral phenomena; even more are coding their way to a brighter tomorrow. 

But back to the revolution a la late-'90's kid-sitcom/movie. Consider: invariably, a group of friends (usually social rejects aka: nerds) laments its exclusion from cool kid trends, parties, etc. All of a sudden, one friend gets an apparent social rocket-boost in the form of an invitation to sit with the cool kids at lunch, go to the party, or date a jock. By the middle of the movie, it's clear to everyone but the protagonist that the "cool kids" are the real antagonists! The friends plead for a return to regular boring nerdisms, but the protagonist is intoxicated by his/her newfound "friends" and status. By the end, used up and abused by heartless jocks and cheerleaders and others from the higher social strata, the nerdy protagonist returns to his/her group of loving friends. Order is restored in high fashion as the nerds claim victory.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), today's nerds grew up with those shows. But as corporate structure moves in to take over the creative and even technical processes of the world's greatest experiments, they are sinking millions and/or billions of dollars into these companies. With the money comes obligations. Even the knights of nerdhood, the gaming industry, has been infiltrated with a bottom-line mentality. Great games are disappearing or switching to subscription models. Virtual "social" games are being cloned and spun-off and selling imaginary currency and goods and upgrades. The greatest gamers used to be able to snipe from a few hundred yards, learn leveling systems and class combinations to create balanced characters, or crush cases of Mountain Dew on an all-night Diablo II dungeon crawl; their devotion to gaming and their skill determined their dominance. Now, the biggest suckers take the trophies, spending hundreds of dollars on sub-par games and expansions and forfeiting $14.95 a month.

Oh, and don't forget that obscure fashion choices and what I can only describe as "weird" is "trendy" now, so nerds or faux-nerds have to constantly change things and re-hash what it means to be chic. Authentic or organic or any other nerdy, trendy adjective comes with a hefty price tag, and nerds are so high on their skills that they take advantage of the fact that there isn't a price standard for tech/creative work and charge ridiculous amounts of money for any kind of work to feed a growing, evolving taste for trends.

So who are the suckers? You'd think the suckers are the ones sinking money into companies with no guarantee and little hope that they won't flame out or sell for little to no profit in a couple of years. You would think the suckers are the hipsters and really annoying faux-nerds trying to keep up with the trends. And, really, a lot of nerds are snickering in derision at the "cool kids" trying to keep up with the "social outcasts". But I think the suckers are the nerds. Reading candid interviews and early statements and all kinds of things that come out of the nerd elite, one could only conclude that they are mostly jerks. Looking at a gaming industry that used to produce real quality work, complete with rich storylines, unique combat systems, and challenging gameplay, one might only find a few shining exceptions to the devolution of games into "gamification" schemes. Examining the current state of the nerd, I'd say the suckers are the nerds.

I just wonder if...I just hope that the nerds will eventually realize it, rise above it, and come together with the chorus of  nerds lying in wait for a glorious mid-to-late-'90's coup de grace for this tyranny of trendiness.

Forgive the rant. In other Nerd News, THIS GUY has some incredible and thought-provoking articles on lessons learned from Star Trek and Star Wars, including Five Leadership Lessons from Jean-Luc Picard and Five Leadership Mistakes of the Galactic Empire. Go ahead, nerds: salivate. Go ahead, Wife: roll your eyes.

My Son Is Not a Princess

For the longest time, Brodie (my three-year-old son) would get confused on gender pronouns. He would refer to females as "him" or "he" and sometimes referred to himself as a "princess" after seeing a Mickey Mouse episode featuring the theme. When our daughter, Emily, was born, he sometimes got confused about why Emily wore dresses or little outfits in softer colors while he wore t-shirts and shorts in bold reds and blues. He was especially confused about why he was "handsome" rather than "pretty".

Lately I've been noticing an uptick on the internet and in digital print about "gender nonconformity" and other forms of gender identity issues. Around election season it is no surprise to see either side ratchet up their marriage definition arguments (marriage equality or the destruction of traditional family values according to your political persuasion). For years we've been hearing the extremes on both sides, shouting each other down with matching vitriol. As an aside, it has always been amusing for me to see liberals condemn hatred and promote understanding while spewing hatred and blanketing Christians with the label "bigot"; it has been equally amusing to see some traditional Christians spew hatred toward gay-rights advocates while eschewing soundbites like "Hate the sin, love the sinner". These are expected debates in today's cultural climate; adults must make their own decisions and build the lives they want to live.

In the Netherlands (and the U.S., too) children as young as 5 are
undergoing gender reassignment procedures.

But children are not yet able to make those decisions. Parents of children who insist as toddlers they they are of the opposite gender are allowing them to take medications to put off puberty and even, as young as 5 years of age, to have gender reassignment surgery (that's a SEX CHANGE, for those of you who don't speak the great language of political correctness). I'm sorry if it's offensive, but a 2-year-old has no idea what gender means-- he or she will rely on YOU, the parents, to teach him or her that he or she is a HE or a SHE. My son relies on me to encourage him to play rough and develop mannerisms; he relies on me to toss a ball with him now and then and he relies on me (and the other male influences in his life) to teach him what it is to be a little boy. He relies on us to take him to monster truck rallies and other ridiculous events. He even relies on us to buy his clothing and dress him in cute little-boy outfits. Even if Brodie insists that he is a girl or a princess, I remind him of his gender and move on; I don't make it a habit to have deep, searching conversations with my toddler about the meaning of male and female or the ability of individuals to identify in whatever way they choose.

Even as our children mature physically, they are not yet ready to make major life decisions. They're not even old enough to make responsible sexual decisions! Want to argue? Flip through the channels and land on MTV. Walk through your local high school and listen for the conversation in the hallways. They may be physically mature enough to engage in sexual activity, but they are not emotionally or mentally mature enough to consider sexual relationships' lifelong effect or consequences. Children who are forced to make these decisions by parents who allow or encourage them to are often scarred, jaded, or otherwise effected by the experience. They buy in more easily to the image of "tweens" and "teens" that commercial culture has developed for them.

As our culture moves more and more in one direction (cultural acceptance/an open and free society or moral degradation and cultural destruction according, again, to your socio-political persuasion), I'm afraid that more and more parents will begin or continue to encourage their children to "explore" gender-variance. As for me and my house, we will keep Brodie's and Emily's lifelong well-being and happiness secure by refusing to compromise our values and the gender and identity to which they were born for some short-term happiness provided by a little boy frolicking in a dress or playing house with some dolls. When they experience puberty and begin to understand and experience their bodies differently, we will teach them the appropriate times and circumstances to act on the urges and emotions that come with sexual maturation. As they become young adults, we will rely on our investment in our children to inform them as to their self-worth and identity and hope that they develop in spite of the cultural siren call.

Have an opinion or concern about what you see for our children's future? Leave it in the comments.